fabulous baker boy

Entering a triathlon – it’s always been my belief that, like running over hot coals, drinking cod liver oil or eating at Chicken Cottage, you’d have to be mad to do it. But there are some nutters out there who think that swimming a couple of kilometres in a dirty lake, then drip-drying over a 40km bike ride before finishing up with an easy ten-or-so kilometre jog is actually a fun day out. Luckily for me, those nutters still eat CAKE.

This, my bake-loving chums, is The Triathlon Cake…

I made this bad boy on Saturday morning for returning customers Kristian and Mark – the former commissioned the cake for the latter’s birthday (the latter being one such aforementioned ‘triathlon-racing nutter’). It’s a Vitoria sponge with vanilla frosting and strawberry jam in the middle, then a whole lot of fondant icing on top.

I dyed Dr. Oetker white icing blue using a gel dye – you knead the icing until it’s soft, then dip a skewer or toothpick into the dye and scratch and poke it into the icing, then knead again until the colour is evenly spread. If you want more colour, you just repeat the process.

I then used ready-coloured black, yellow and red icing to make the road and the banner and more white icing to make the trainers and the bike. For the mini-Mark, I dyed white icing pink as above. The writing I did with icing pens and the grass is desiccated coconut dyed green (a Tupperware box, some green dye and a good shake).

Just like threading a needle, going to the dentist, or listening to Tulisa’s solo single, handling fondant icing gets easier with practice – when I made the Harry Potter cake, my first foray into fondant that was also for these gents, I was still at it come 6pm, but this time I was done by mid-afternoon, which left plenty of time for sitting on my fat arse with a well deserved drink and wishing I’d made some cake for myself, too. Mind you, I know what went into this cake, and how many triathlons it’ll take to work it off, so perhaps best I didn’t…

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Hello there, cake fans. Remember me? Sure you do – I know it’s been a couple of months, but weren’t we all too busy with our New Year fitness regimes to really need cake? I know I was and I’m here to tell you the results were questionable at best. Top tip, diet try-hards: don’t go to New York City in February if you want to lose weight.

Yes, that’s right, I went to New York AGAIN, but this time with a purpose – I was attending some shows at New York Fashion Week. If you don’t already know (and how could you not, given how much I shout about it?), when I’m not baking cakes or being a writers’ agent, I also do this –

www.stylebarron.com

So that’s kept me busy since February when the back-to-back fashion weeks happen and there’s lots to see and write about. But I’m back now and, with a bowl full of overripe bananas staring at me yesterday, I rolled up my sleeves, plugged in the KitchenAid and made… BANANA BREAD!

I used Mary Berry’s recipe from her ‘Baking Bible’ and I can tell you the results were pretty good – although I’m not sure about leaving it in the oven for an hour as Mary suggested. Mine was in for about 30 minutes and came out great.

We poured Ben & Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream on top of our doorstop slices of this cake and it was pretty much like eating the essence of all that is good in the world. Try it!

See ‘Recipes’ for the details!

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It’s a bit rubbish, this ‘being back at work’ lark, isn’t it? No more lying in bed or on the sofa all day, stuffing your face with rubbish whilst you wait for the lunch to be ready, throwing back about four-too-many glasses of bubbly as you watch some trashy Heather Locklear TV movie on ITV…

YES DON’T WORRY, IT’S NOT JUST YOU!

So anyways, to combat a bit of January misery (and to properly break that ridiculous detox, one week in) you could do a lot worse than a lemon meringue pie. This was my first attempt at one of these (hence the far from perfect finish on top!) – and I used a slightly adapted version of the very good Hummingbird recipe.

My Mum used to make these pies very regularly when I was little and I’ve done a complete turnaround on this dessert. I used to hate it (I far preferred crumble week, or the rare but bloody brilliant steamed pudding week) but now that I am old[er], I love it. I don’t think I appreciated the tartness of the lemon, or how amazing meringue was in general. But ohhhhh, I do now.

See ‘Recipes’ for all the info.

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I got a couple of baking books for Christmas (among other things – thank you, Santa)

The Lola’s cupcake book is a beautifully presented book and seems to be packed full of things I really, REALLY want to eat, like Chocolate Baileys cupcakes and Butterscotch Pie cupcakes… YUMMY TIME!

And this one, well, pretty much speaks for itself. I didn’t get it when the show was on – I went for Mary Berry’s Baking Bible instead, but I probably should have gone straight for this one, since it has a lot of the same recipes inside and generally is a lovely, lovely book. It’s full of gorgeous things like this…

And this…

And THIS…

Ahhhhhhh… What was I talking about before?!

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Today, after a five mile walk in country (I kid you not – KNACKERED), I iced and decorated the family Christmas cake. It went a little something like this -

Technically, you’re meant to allow the marzipan 24hrs to dry, but this cake’s not going to be around long enough for anything bad to happen to it!

Obvs it’s a cake from an odd land where Santa is a giant and the robins have been affected by radioactivity, but what of it?

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Look at these gorgeous Baruzzo choccies from the ‘Love Your Larder’ web site!

The lovely Tristan, who runs the web store, sent them as a thank you for a hotel recommendation I gave him. He’s pretty awesome. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/tristanwatson and you can and should check out www.loveyourlarder.com

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Once upon a time, there was a princess. Her name was Crystal. She lived with all the other princesses on the shelf in the kingdom of Poundland until, one day, a handsome (ahem!) Baker Boy rode into the kingdom on his trusty steed, whisked her away and stuck her in the middle of a cake…

This is ‘The Princess Cake’ I baked last weekend for my friend’s little girl Ruby’s third birthday.

I don’t really feel I have to say much more about this one, as the pictures really speak for themselves. The process was roughly this -

Ruby seemed pleased…

Although Princess Crystal had a little too much Prosecco in the end. You know what they say, you can take the princess out of Croydon…

Want a Princess Cake of your very own? Get in touch!

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I know, I KNOW, it’s been a while, but what can I say? It’s been a busy old time with one thing and another, not least the impending Christmassyness of everything. And you know it’s Christmas when the Coca-Cola ads kick in (‘Holidaysacomin’, holidaysacomin’ – is Coke really an important part of anyone’s ‘holidays’?). I’m just about getting there with The Shopping and luckily we’re heading home to my parentals for the festivities so there’ll be none of this ‘cooking’ malarkey, least not by me (sorry Mumu).

ANYWAY, I’m back now and I have managed to find time to do a little baking, so I give to you lovely people something quite special. I bring you… CHOCOLATE ÉCLAIRS!

Hell yes. Pastry, filled with cream, covered with chocolate. Is there anything better?

These are from Mary Booble’s Baking Bibble (aka Mary Berry’s Baking Bible) and are, in case you wondered, FRICKIN’ AWESOME.

See recipes for the ins and outs and for some pics of the baking process itself.

Enjoy!

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The future’s Orange, Almond and Yogurt Loaf from the Hummingbird’s mostly gorgeous Cake Days book.

I had a lovely lunch with my Dad today, during which he asked me what I’d been up to over the weekend. I didn’t really know what to say. I didn’t really have anything to say. I felt like Alicia Silverstone in Clueless, lifting my eyes upwards in wonderment and coming back with “Well, I broke in my purple clogs…” (Just to clarify, readers, I do not own and have never owned purple clogs. This is a ‘witty observation’ or, at the very least ‘an observation’)

It’s been a while since I spent a couple of days doing literally nothing of note. No rushing around, no social occasions, no home-related projects. And it was MEGA. It really reaffirmed my belief that sometimes all you need for the world to make sense again is a very quiet weekend and, of course, some REALLY good cake. This loaf may not look like much – there are no fancy decorations, no crazy flavours, not even any icing – but it really is very, very tasty and, I’d wager, lighter than a feather in outer space.

Perfect with a nice cuppa and a good book during a bit of well-deserved sofa time (“I know it sounds mental, but sometimes I have more fun vegging out than when I go partying. Maybe it’s because my party clothes are so binding…” (It’s enough now, I know))

See ‘Recipes’ for the details.

Enjoy!

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Halloween, eh? All Hallow’s Eve. A time for ringing bells for souls in purgatory and baking bread for all christened souls according to Wikipedia. And these days? A time when people who are nearly old enough to vote knock on your door demanding money, then throw stuff at your house when you say you have no change. (Can you guess that this has happened to us already tonight? It’s 7.40pm.)

BAH HUMBUG, I blame the parents, these kids today etc etc.

Rant over. What’s much more enjoyable than any of the above and most things in general? Brioche, that’s what. First of all, it’s bread, so ‘YUM’ basically. Secondly is sweet, it’s sweet carbs. But best of all, these brioche have frickin’ CHOCOLATE in them!

It should be illegal.

These are chocolate chip brioche that turned into chocolate brioche when I left the dough to prove on top of the oven. Ho hum, they’re still delish, and they’re from the KitchenAid cookbook that arrived shortly after my sexy pink food mixer. Perfect for Sunday morning. Or Monday, Tuesday or really any day that ends in ‘y’.

See recipe for the details.

Enjoy!

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